I had a chance to help somebody and I chose not to. I turned my back, literally. I wish I were sharing the kindness of a charitable act, but instead I can only write about my shame.
That day, I was standing in line at the grocery store flipping through a magazine. Out of the corner of my eye I was also watching the young man in front of me. He was huddled with the checker looking at some markings on a piece of paper in his hand. His head hung low as they passed the paper back and forth.
Then the whispering began. I heard the checker say, “You’re not the only one. We had this problem earlier today and there may just be something wrong with the system.” The young man’s head lifted, he looked hopeful. “You mean it may work in another market?” Kindly she said, “No, I don’t think that’s it. Why don’t you come back tomorrow?”
I looked at his hands as she handed the paper back to him. Worn, weathered, and dirty. The type of dirt that settles into every crease and fold of your skin. The kind of hands you see on someone doing hard labor or living homeless. I looked at the total on the register. It wasn’t extravagant by any means, but in my mind, it may as well have been $500. I wanted to help. I wanted to say, “I’ve got this.” But after a year of not working, all I saw were the bills piling up. Instead, I turned my back and pretended to be looking at something else.
The people in line behind me were getting restless. Their own whispers were becoming more audible. The young man quickly apologized for having the checker bag his groceries and then quietly slipped away. He gave one solemn glance back as I stepped forward. As he walked out the door, I wondered if he had just left behind dinner.
I knew before he was out of site that I made the wrong decision. I can only hope next time I make a better choice.
Oh Audra, your not alone on that one. I’ve been the one to help and I’ve been the one to pretend not to notice. It’s just getting so common lately, I’d be broke myself if helped everyone I crossed. So sad. Just like animals at the orphanage, I want to take them all home Good luck balancing life and work again!
Thank you Chris! Yeah, don’t get me started on the orphans. Not just the animals, but the children. I’d bring them all home if I could!
Don’t feel bad we all do that. It’s hard to get involved in somebody else’s problems when so much goes on in our lives.
I know what you mean, Vikki. I’d be broke and have 500 children if I followed my heart every time, but I always feel like I could do a little more. And the thing is, I usually can.
I don’t if you know that 152 billion $ are spent on homeless, welfare, food stamps, section 8 housing, healthcare for homeless & the list goes on and on. After reading this in Wall Street Journal, I don’t feel so bad that when I don’t help everyone. I have my favorite organizations that we donate every year so I feel I do enough. There are way too many people who don’t really want to work and make you feel bad when you don’t give them something. So it’s hard to tell who really needs it or who is just lazy?